"When you get the notion, put your backfield in motion."
– Gap Band, Doin' Da Butt
It's the Fourth. My brother is in the Army and my girlfriend is in the UK. Between the two of them, I've got a great contact high (patriotism style). But, in lieu of getting the tattoo I've always wanted—a gun-toting bald eagle clawing out the eyes of a baguette-chewing Frenchman in a field of flowers that have blossomed red, white and blue with Mount Rushmore above the horizon—I'm just going to speak my mind. (Though it might not be cheaper in the long run than the aforementioned full-torso panoramic ink.) Read More...
NewTube: July 3rd! CBS has a new show called Swingtown. Starring Jack Davenpart and Molly Parker, Swingtown tells the story of Bruce and Susan Miller who move on up out of their first small surburban home to that big surburban home by the lake. Yes, Bruce got a raise and moves his family, leaving behind his wife's best friend, Janet and her husband Roger. It is a clash of cultures and the willingness to experiment that has the Millers getting it on with pilot Tom Decker and his wife Trina as the true nature of the show's name exhibits itself. It's not just about the adults, but also the burgeoning relationship of the children as well. Smart Laurie Miller wants her summer school teacher and young BJ is falling for the enigmatic young girl next door who makes a habit of running away. Read more...
NEW RESTAURANT: JOE'S RAVIOLI
His voice rings in my ears at night when I try to sleep. It haunts me each day, that low growl intimidating me as I drive around Macon. The words feel forever etched on my brain—nay, my heart—NO, my soul.
“Hi, I’m Joe with Joe’s Ravioli. I’m from Brooklyn but I’m in Macon now and I’m real happy to be here,” he begins. Joe. From Brooklyn, an accent I butcher every time I try to relay his message of authentic Italian-American cuisine.
I just broke up with my girlfriend. We’ve been back and forth for months now, but this time, I think it’s for real. How do I get over this feeling in my stomach?
Signed, A dude with a heart that aches and then breaks.
Dear, DWAHTAATB,
The first time you have sex, you’ll forget about it.If it comes back later, just have more sex. The more you have, the less she’ll mean. If you’re ugly, just stay away from the adult contemporary stations for a while. You’re just going to have to ride this one out. Joking.Here are a few stages everyone goes through when they get broked up with.
Permanently Bent
With all the drama of this year’s election, the rising price of oil, the seemingly endless war against terror and the ever increasing threat of getting cancer from global warming and shit, there is always one thing in my life that remains constant; an unending, never wavering, emotional blanket of comfort that is always there for me, Booze. It’s not just me. Alcohol is universal. It brings people together. It defies all language and cultural barriers and provides common ground for us to stand on. All that, AND it gets me drunk! Read More...
Abby Owens
"Readers, Let me say this first: Abby Owens is amazing. A beauty. A tremendous voice. Presence on stage. My opinion of her is entirely biased. Go see her show for yourself and form your own opinions." Read More...
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